Cross My Heart
by GlitterMyGlam
Summary: Ryan changes his senior year, and not for the better. Chad makes a realization, and makes a move. DARKFIC, CHYAN
1. Chapter 1

It was their senior year of high school that Ryan started declining.

At first it was little, unnoticeable things. He started showing up late for class. He stopped wearing his little matchy-matchy hats, straw colored hair pushed hastily out of his face. His shirts were often wrinkled, untucked and drab. The more drastic changes came later. He ignored the school plays, and stopped showing up to drama class altogether. Conversations with Sharpay were short and terse, as if he had little patience for her anymore. His already pale skin started to look sunken and shadowed, and he had taken to chewing his nails until they bled.

Sharpay sat with Troy, Gabriella and Chad at lunch, chewing her lip anxiously. "I just wish he would talk to me," she choked. Despite appearances she was devoted to her twin, and his new downturn had started to show on her as well. "When I ask him what's wrong he snaps at me, and he doesn't even say good morning or goodnight or anything anymore."

Troy sighed deeply. Very much the team captain, he worried whenever one of his friends was troubled. "Do you think it's girl trouble? Or…boy trouble?" he asked slowly.

Sharpay shook her head. "He would talk to me about stuff like that." She sighed deeply. "Whatever I say right now does NOT leave this table, promise?" Three heads nodded in unison. "Ryan's already come out to mother and daddy and I. He's comfortable with it, he just isn't ready to tell the school."

"What on earth could it be then?" Gaby frowned. "He's not doing poorly in classes, you say everything at home is fine, it's not over a boy…"

"Maybe it's just nothing?" Chad offered, flicking a curl out of his face. "I mean, that happens. People just get depressed, for no apparent reason."

"But what do we do about it?" Gaby asked softly. "Tell someone?"

"No," Sharpay said quickly. "When I talked to my parents about it, it just made Ry angrier when he found out. I don't want to do anything to push him over the edge."

"So what, then?" Troy asked tentatively. "We wait?"

"I guess we wait," Sharpay agreed, sinking into her seat and hugging her sweater (one of Ryan's, actually) to her chest.

Ryan chose that moment to walk past, not so much as glancing at his friends.

**oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo**

Sharpay stood in the doorway of Ryan's bedroom, tears in her eyes. "Please Ryan, talk to me!" she begged. "Please? Whatever's wrong, I can help you, I KNOW I can…"

Ryan turned, eyes fierce. "Oh yeah, Shar? You think you can just wave your pretty little hand and make all of life's problems go away? Maybe we can sing a song, or go shopping. Gee, then I'd feel great." He ignored the stricken look on his sister's face, slamming the door shut.

There was no 'problem.' He wasn't failing any classes; he hadn't been rejected by a cute boy. But in the past months Ryan Evans had begun to see the world at face value. The injustices, the prejudices, the evil. Half of the time he could barely drag himself out of bed, knowing that the coming day would be just like each one past. It was all the same, and it all sucked pretty hard.

So Ryan started to think. Ryan started to think dark, sad thoughts, about how it would all be so much better if he weren't a part of it anymore. How life would go back to normal and Sharpay would move on, and his parents wouldn't have to deal with his sadness, and negativity, and depression. He'd never have to see the sympathetic, pathetic faces anymore; Troy, Gabriella, Taylor, and all the rest who thought they had him so figured out.

Hands shaking, mind buzzing, Ryan sat on the edge of the bed. He had never thought this far into it before, but now that he had he couldn't stop. His mom had a bottle of Valium in the medicine cabinet, a decent amount of pills left. He could swallow them, his body floating as he fell asleep for good. He could turn the car on, sit in the garage and slowly slip away, to where he never had to worry about it anymore. He thought about slitting his wrists, but he hated the idea of spending eternity with such hideous gashes on his arms.

Ryan lay back on his bed, breath coming in shallow pants. He was nervous, but it all seemed to make so much more sense then living did.


	2. Chapter 2

Chad walked home from Troy's house, breathing in the cool scent of autumn. He had been playing basketball in his friend's driveway, intermittently stopping to discuss the Ryan issue.

Neither boy had put much thought into the male Evans twin before that summer at Lava Springs. He was just a lackey, something attached to Sharpay's side, nothing more then a minor annoyance next to his sister. But now he was closer to the boys then they ever imagined possible, often spending time with them on the weekends or after school. Ryan balanced them out, countering their testosterone driven pride with a softer, sparkly-er point of view.

Chad had begun to look forward to the time he spent with the blonde boy, even calling him over without Troy or Gaby there. They usually just sat on the couch watching movies, or in the backyard discussing life while they swung lazily on Chad's old swing set. Ryan had a lot to say on a lot of things, and Chad attended to his every word as if he'd never heard anything so inspiring.

The relationship moved from light-hearted, boyish talks to conversations, deep and emotional. They would keep each other up until dawn some nights, discussing their deepest fears and hopes and secrets; sometimes offering counsel, sometimes just a friendly ear. Ryan told of his girl problems, how he never really cared much for them. Chad talked about his parents, and how he worried they would divorce and that it was somehow his fault. At the end of each conversation both boys felt better, comforted and closer to each other then ever before.

But now something had changed. Ryan avoided him in and outside of school, and wouldn't return his phone calls. When Chad tried to corner him in class Ryan looked like a caged animal, guiltily sinking into himself until Chad gave up and left him alone. If the basketball star were to admit to it (but to who? His confidante was avoiding him), it hurt like hell. It made his eyes sting and his throat close up, and it made him realize things he had never considered.

Chad was in love with Ryan.

He stopped walking, eyes wide. "I love him," he said softly to himself, the words sounding foreign but right as they rolled off his tongue. "I love him," he repeated, biting his lip hard and balling his fists so tight his nails bit into his palms.

The tall boy turned, away from his own house and towards Ryan's. He took off running, feet pounding against the pavement and hair bouncing with each stride.

He had made up his mind. He wasn't going to let Ryan get away before he even had him to begin with.

**oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo**

Ryan watched his parents' car pull out of the driveway, taking Sharpay to a piano recital. She had begged him to go, but he simply locked himself in his room. He had things to do anyway.

After they left he waited a good ten minutes, making sure they weren't going to come back for a sweater or something. Once he was satisfied he got up, walking downstairs and into the kitchen to grab one of his mother's paring knives. He had changed his mind, deciding that cutting his wrists was the quickest method. It was harder to mess up, and the bloodstains on the carpet would always be a testament to his bravery.

Tucking the knife in his belt (and feeling like Indiana Jones), he went to say goodbye to everything. He stopped to play a quick, lively song on his piano, kissing a few of the keys before closing it and walking away. He stepped into their built in dance studio, breathing it in before shutting of the light and closing the door. His bedroom, his parents' room, Sharpay's suite; he said goodbye to it all, turning off lights and shutting door behind him. He finally went to his bed, sitting on the edge and taking a deep breath. The knife was pulled from his belt. Everything was going to be okay again.


	3. Chapter 3

Chad was panting hard by the time he got to Ryan's, sweat dripping down his skin. He knocked on the door, frowning when there was no answer. Where would Ryan be? It's not like he left his room these days, as Sharpay had told them. He looked up, brows furrowing when he saw Ryan's bedroom light on through his window.

Silently apologizing to the Evans family for breaking and entering, he grabbed the key from under the doormat and let himself in. Moving quietly through the house, he climbed the stairs and walked the hallway to his friend's room. When he got there he took a deep breath, wondering at the odd feeling in his gut as he turned to knob and swung the door open.

Ryan looked over, eyes wide as he dug the point of the knife into his arm. "Ch-chad?"

Chad felt his heart shatter into a thousand pieces. "Ryan?" he choked. He took a deep breath, managing to look a lot calmer then he felt. "Ryan, put it down," he commanded gently.

Ryan shook his head, eyes wide and scared. "NO, no Chad, please don't make me," he begged. "I've made up my mind, I'm strong enough now, I can do this."

"But why would you?" the taller boy choked, tears in his eyes.

Ryan grit his teeth, trying to swallow his emotions. "I j-just have to!" he cried. "Everyone will be better off, okay? I'm just so sad all the time, and I make everyone else sad, and everyone will be happy when I'm gone..."

Chad felt like he was going to faint. "Not me…" he whispered.

"What?" the blonde asked, knife held tight in his hand. He hadn't managed to get very far, but a thin trickle of blood was dripping down his arm.

"I realized it today," Chad said hoarsely. "I need you, Ryan. I need you to get by, I can't make it through the day if you're not there. I love you, and the thought of never seeing you again, never seeing you smile, never seeing one of those stupid hats…I can't take that," he said, a tear finally working its way down his cheek.

Ryan was shaking like a leaf. "What do you mean you love me?" he asked, sounding angrier then he intended.

Chad's stomach was working itself into knots. "I love you. I adore you. I want to hold you, and kiss you, and wipe your tears away, and make you smile. I want a fucking white picket fence with you, and a dog, or cat, or whatever, it doesn't matter. I just NEED you Ryan, and I refuse to let you take that away from me."

Ryan swallowed hard. "Well I don't want you, or need you," he lied. "I need this, I need to get away, I need-"

His words were cut off by Chad's mouth. He whimpered, automatically dropping the knife and sinking into the other boy. He felt as if his knees would give out, which they did. But there was Chad, taking Ryan in his strong arms, not letting him fall.

When they separated Ryan burst into tears, clinging to the darker boy. "I don't know what's wrong with me," he sobbed, blood seeping from his arm into Chad's shirt.

Chad held him tight, closing his eyes. "I don't either, Ry. But we'll figure it out, okay? I promise. I won't let you sink."

"Promise?" Ryan whispered hoarsely.

"Cross my heart," he whispered, kissing the smaller boy's hair.


	4. Chapter 4

Sharpay, Gabriella, Troy, Taylor, and Ryan all watched Chad anxiously as he opened the letter, five sets of hands shaking.

"Well?" Taylor demanded impatiently.

Chad's lips curled into a slow grin. "I've been accepted."

The Danforth kitchen erupted into cheering as five bodies tackled one. Sharpay beamed, kissing Ryan's cheek. "See? Same school, now you two can stop spazzing out."

Ryan grinned, blushing. "It is a relief." He was dressed in a smart pair of dark blue chinos, his powder blue button up tucked into his pants. The fedora perched on his blonde hair was also a deep shade of blue, making his eyes stands out even more then they usually did. The wound on his arm had more then healed, and begun to scar, but he still kept his shirt sleeves long. Just for now.

It had been a long road since Chad had found him in his room, digging below rock bottom. There had been therapists, and doctors, and more relatives then he could remember. There had been pills, and church groups, and prayers, and long talks about his feelings and why he felt so pointless. And there, through it all had been Chad. Holding his hand. Kissing his temple. Talking him down when he was overwhelmed, soothing him with his words and lips and love.

It had been a long road, but Ryan was back to being Ryan. Only now he was a Ryan that had a Chad. Not only was he whole again, he had an extra piece that somehow managed to work its way in with the rest, and fit.

Chad pulled his boyfriend close, kissing him sweetly. "So…dorm mates?" he grinned.

Ryan laughed, kissing his nose. "Only if you learn to pick up your damn socks," he smirked.

**ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo**

They made love for the first time that night. It just seemed right, after all they had been through, all they had accomplished. They discussed it first; both making sure that the other wanted it as well. Then talking gave way to kissing, and kissing gave way to Ryan getting up to lock his bedroom door. Clothes were lost, eyes met, bodies tangled together, and slowly the room filled with the soft sounds of exploration, and faith, and love.

And yeah, it hurt. Yeah, there were awkward moments where neither Chad nor Ryan knew exactly what to do. But it was a good hurt, a good awkward. The hurt and awkward that you learned from, and laughed about, because you can do that when you're in love.

Afterwards the two men lay together, panting and smiling and clinging to each other. Occasionally one would start laughing, causing the other to join in. Nothing particularly funny had happened, they just couldn't contain their giddiness and joy.

Ryan finally managed to calm down, grinning and kissing Chad's sweaty shoulder. "Forever?" he asked, still smiling.

Chad turned, kissing Ryan with all the love he could put into a kiss. "Cross my heart."


End file.
